is your mom at the bar?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
