My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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