The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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