I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
