dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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