he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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