I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
