he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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