using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's never too late to be topless.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
