Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
