no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
