I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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