White coat. Heels.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
