it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
