how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
