you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
MIDGETS
????
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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