so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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