I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
