You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
