I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do vagina's smell?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
