I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
