he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
