I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
