Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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