she takes plan B like it's going out of style
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
