you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
