Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
