Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
