You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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