his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
