Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
