theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
