And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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