I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
