found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
