I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You need Xanax blowdarts
In other news, I just burned my penis
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
