I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
