; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
