i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
