just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
