Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
