i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
