im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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