I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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