He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Boobs speak an international language.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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