I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
