started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
