i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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