dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
