Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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