we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
