I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
