just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
