Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can you bring me the toilet please
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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