Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
