Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
