I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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