seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
