We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
