One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
