Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
