Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
