On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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