i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
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there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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