My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
