im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
