My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
