They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
