You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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