Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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