I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
