Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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