oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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